Photo by MrB-MMX via flickr

So, my 10 year old neice and I are walking into a restaurant, we entered thru a different door than where the hostesses were located. Therefore, we had to walk thru the restaurant and pass the bar to get seated. I’m walking she is behind me but she’s still visible.

As I pass the bar, a man yells “HELLO!” in a “look what we have here kind of way”. I give him a stern “Hello” and a facial expression to let him know that I am not the one. I’m going to speak and you will leave me alone, I have children with me. There is nothing more embarrassing than being approached by a man when you are with your ”babies”.

When we get to the podium, my neice leans in and says “Hey do you know him?”. I said “No baby, I don’t know”.

A little annoyed and embarrassed because I’m thinking I may have to explain this to her – – that this happens to women, why it happens and a whole bunch of crap I don’t want to go into because it’s heavy for a ten year old and my neice holds the record for maximum number of questions in a 2 minute period (15).

She looks back at him, looks at me and says “STRANGER DANGER!”

I howled. And said “Honey you don’t know the half!”.

Submitted by DB on 8/25/2010

Location: Mass & North Capitol

Time of Harassment: Evening Rush Hour (3:30P-7:30P)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogiq

I am a California native, and I’ve been living in Washington, DC for the past 3.5 years. I have been astounded time and time again by the level of street harassment that goes on here, as well as the type: It is not just excessive in terms of frequency, but it is also usually very verbally aggressive and hostile, in addition to overly vulgar.

From the moment I arrived in DC, I began attracting an excessive amount of negative sexual attention from men on the streets. I have had an abundance of uncomfortable experiences, ranging from simple, sexually explicit comments thrown my way, to men exposing themselves to me and masturbating to the sight of me in the park, and guys grabbing my butt while they ride past me on bikes. I am a 32 year old, 5’’8  female with a curvy figure. I am attractive, but no more than any other female in this city. I do, however, seem to generate far more harassment than my friends, and I have to attribute it largely to the curves. Whatever the reason, the frequency has concerned everyone in my life.

On the night of Thursday, August 12th, just slightly after midnight, I was walking with my friend back to her apartment in the Columbia Heights neighborhood. We only had a 5 block walk to go, and we were together, so we didn’t think it was necessary to take a cab. We were carrying groceries in both our hands. A mere half a block from her building, I heard a sudden rush of footsteps behind us, then felt someone’s body slam into my back. I then felt myself 100% bound, as the person wrapped their arms solidly around me in a strong bear-hug hold.

Because the brain does not process things normally when in shock, the first thought both I and my friend had was, “Oh, whose that? Is that a friend I know that’s just surprising me with a hug?” We had just said goodnight to a friend, so I thought perhaps it was him.

The attackers grip suddenly changed, and though he still had me bound, his hands suddenly gripped my breasts very hard. My arms were pinned to my side. I could not move. And to be honest, I didn’t even realize just what was happening to me.

–That is until his left arm shifted to hold me in place while he shoved his right arm between my legs, placed his hand over my vagina, quickly rubbed it aggressively and then attempted to shove his fingers inside of me over my dress. I heard an utterly disgusting sound of sexual arousal leave his mouth in that moment– I think that sound disturbed me even more than the molestation. It has certainly been the part of the experience that has haunted me the most.

It was only then that the shock gave way to an understanding of what was happening to me. According to my friend, I screamed “Get off of me!,” then dropped my weight to the ground. I don’t even remember doing this. And that’s when she realized just what was going on. Even as my body fell away from his grip and onto the ground, he was still struggling to hold onto me. When he let go, I looked up to see my friend struggling with him and pushing him away from me. He grabbed her hair, yanked her head back, shoved her and ran away.

The entire thing probably lasted a total of 10 seconds. This person knew exactly what he was doing. He worked my body with such precision that he clearly had the attack down to a routine. I was in shock for nearly the entire thing. I didn’t fully understand what had happened until I saw him running away.

We called the police, but he was long gone. During the entire episode, there were approximately 10 men sitting on the porch to an apartment building just 2 houses down the street. They witnessed the entire thing, made no attempts to intervene, didn’t move at all to run after the attacker, and, when it was all over, sat passively in place watching me weep in a ball on the sidewalk. When the police questioned them, they said they saw nothing.

It has been a week, and I feel NERVOUS. Everywhere I go. I don’t want any man walking behind me on the sidewalk, even if he’s simply going to work, I don’t want any many standing behind me on the bus, even if he’s reading. I don’t even want any many looking at me. I cannot relax AT ALL when I leave the house.

The sexual violation isn’t even the most traumatizing aspect to the experience: Sadly, I’ve been expecting something like this to happen for a long time, and I’m frankly surprised it’s taken 3.5 years given the level of harassment in this town. What has been the most traumatizing aspect of it is feeling like anyone who passes by me could attack me at any moment. As I lay there on the sidewalk crying that night, I wasn’t crying because some stranger had tried to shove their fingers inside of me: I was crying because I felt so utterly outraged and helpless. The violation of my power as a human being and my right to not be dominated feels even more intense than the sexual violation as a woman.

I have owned pepper spray since I was groped by the cyclists last year. I have spent the past year with it clutched in my hand, switch on, finger ready every single time I’ve left my house. 4 days before this attack, my spray broke. I had been walking around DC feeling extremely naked and vulnerable and scared without it, but I tried to tell myself I’d be okay for a few days until I got a new one. –Irony at its best.

Having said that, even if I’d had my spray: Given the way he had my arms and hands pinned to my sides, the pepper spray would have been useless. In fact I wonder what, if anything, WOULD be useful in a situation like that: We all think we’re going to act like cheetahs in these situations. We carry pepper spray and take self-defense classes and think we’ll be ready. In fact I once took a self-defense class geared precisely toward what to do if someone grabs you from behind and pins your arms down.

The fact of the matter is: When it’s happening to you, you just go into SHOCK.

I am very surprised that this man attacked me with another person at my side, but I’m very thankful she was there. I’m positive I would have been raped had she not been.

Though they are illegal here, I have ordered a stun gun and I intend to begin carrying it in my hand if ever I have to walk in DC at night. The fact that I have to resort to this infuriates me, and the reality of never being able to simply go for a walk in the city I love and reside in, without feeling perpetually on guard and defensive and nervous, makes me really sad.

I don’t know what it is about this city, or me, or the combination of the two that makes this type of thing so very prevalent, but I want it to stop, and I don’t know what to do.

Submitted by B on 8/25/2010

Location: Columbia Heights, 16th St. NW between Oak and Spring, near The Woodner apartment building

Time of harassment: Late Night (12A-5A)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

I was just grabbing lunch when I saw an elderly man walking toward me. Didn’t think anything of him until he winked at me and very obviously turned around (after he had just walked past me) to hit my behind with his rolled up newspaper. Come on. Really? Ugh.

Submitted by anonymous on 8/23/2010

Location: 16th and I Streets NW

Time of Harassment: Day Time (9:30A-3:30P)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

I have been repeatedly sexually harassed throughout my life, starting, as best as I can remember, at age 13, while walking through a festival with a friend, when a carne running a game yelled out at me “room for 2 in that shirt?” So, harassment gets my dander up, especially the fact that no one ever responds to the harassment (I mean, we were KIDS when that happened, it would have been REASONABLE for an adult to step in there). I try to respond when it happens to me, and help out when it happens to others.

Just a few weeks ago, as I was out at happy hour(s) with my co-workers, I was standing outside the bar having a cigarette, as were a group of other patrons of the same bar. While standing there, this guy comes to the door and starts trying to get the attention of one girl who is with the other group of patrons (mixed gender) outside. She tells him to go away, she’s not interested in talking to him, and he keeps motioning for her to come inside. He tries to leave the bar, drink in hand, and the bouncer stops him. At this point we share a “WTF” and all start talking. So he ditches the drink and comes back a few minutes later, INSISTING on talking to this girl. She and her friends try to ignore him. We finish our smokes and I say to her “hey, you wanted to meet my coworkers, right?” So we head back into the bar, arm-in-arm, and safely into the downstairs area which, fortunately, had been reserved by both our group and hers, so he had no excuse to come down there. While I felt good about helping out, it’s kind of infuriating that the BOUNCER didn’t intervene to protect a patron from an aggressive, intoxicated fool.

But my point is that you don’t have to get aggressive and all up in someone’s face to help stop harassment, just provide a safe out for the subject of the harassment. It really works wonders, and feels good to help others feel safe in the face of those who think they are public property. And believe me, someone who won’t take no for an answer (even a drunk guy, despite “not being in his right mind”) thinks that the women they are harassing “owe” them…their time, their admiration, their body, etc.

Submitted by T on 8/18/201

Location: 7th Street NW, at a Bar

Time of Harassment: Night (7:30P-12A)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

We received this email (checked with the author on the authenticity) and, again, it’s another example of why we need to do more in our city to address sexual assault.

They say bad things happen in three’s, so the good news is that you will not be getting another sad email from me for awhile.

Last night, I was attacked by a man on the corner of 21st and Newport Place.  I was walking home on 21st St. from P at 11:20pm.  I noticed a man sitting on a stoop; when I passed him, he casually stood up and then started following me.  As he started walking faster, I dialed 9-1 on my cell phone (a habit from living in Boston where I often walked by myself).  Within seconds he was behind me.  I stepped to the side to let him pass, and that’s when he grabbed me between my legs and then grabbed my chest.  I immediately started screaming and struggling away from him, and fortunately he ran off.  I dialed the last “1″ to call the police.  The scary thing was that he did not run far.  As I stood on the corner talking (sobbing) to the dispatch, I could see him a mere yards away on Newport.  He was clearly out of his mind.  The cops responded quickly and as soon as the first police car arrived, I was able to point him out just down the street.  A detective arrived about 30 minutes later, took down my story, and asked me to identify the man.  It was terrible, but at least he’s behind bars now.

Friends, please, please be careful when you are walking alone.  I have heard too many stories of this happening to friends, but still never imagined it would happen to me, much less in my “nice,” well-lit neighborhood.  The police told me that they catch less than half of the f-ers that do this to women in DC.  They said it was good that I had called them so quickly.  I have to admit that I hesitated for a moment before calling–I don’t even know why.  But once I called, the dispatcher stayed on the phone with me the entire time and made me feel safe.

I wish I could relay some sort of wisdom that would keep all of us safer.  Only this: SCREAM loudly and call the police right away.  I feel terribly violated and scared, but know that I’m lucky that it wasn’t worse.  Please forward to any women you know in the Dupont/Georgetown area (or elsewhere!)–we cannot be too careful.

Please be safe.

I was walking home and a man said to me,

“Do you have some change? (pause)  I’ll suck on your titty.”

It was the only time I’ve every flipped off a stranger. He also had a friend with him who laughed and laughed and that felt just as insulting.

Submitted by AP on 8/18/10

Location: On the street, Georgetown

Time of Harassment: Night (7:30P-12A)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

Photo by chenines via flickr

There was a strange guy on the bus yesterday who made me feel uncomfortable. (There were actually two strange men, but one bothered me more.) He boarded right before we crossed the bridge into Rosslyn, squeezing himself in the middle seat between me and someone else. He kept stretching his arms out and knocking into us, not seeming to care.

He then stretched his legs out and put his foot on a girl sitting across from me. The girl gave a weird look but continued her conversation with her friend. He then reaches under their seat without saying excuse me, which made me feel nervous for them though they showed little reaction to this. He ended up grabbing a fragment of a newspaper that was under their seat and pretended to read it, by turning it forward and backward and staring at it. He put his arm on the back of the seat next to him, not caring that someone was sitting in it.

When we got to Rosslyn an end seat freed up across from me, and he took it. Another guy boarded who then for some weird reason took the middle seat, though more open seats were free. The second guy grabbed the pole between our seats and his arm was in my face and he did the leg spread. Wanting a way to get him to respect my space more, I decided to spread my legs similar to what he was doing, which made him take up less space. (I realized that the first guy had his arm spread out on the back of the seat again across the aisle from us, and I assumed that the second guy was one of those hyper-heretosexual guys who thinks contact with any male is “gay” and decided he’d rather squish in the middle seat than sit in the seat where the other guy’s arm was. Shaking my head.)

Anyway, the first guy, in between pretending to read his paper and stare out the window, stared at me. It was so obnoxious and annoying. Normally I yell at these creeps to “Stop staring at me!” but with all my negative reactions to standing up to harassers, and with no one coming to my aid, I was just not in the mood. I was heading to an event, and didn’t want to get riled up from handling a harasser. I was trying to stay in a good mood and not head to this event with an attitude because of harassers.

When my stop was coming up, I immediately got up and went to the back door. It seemed as if the first guy was going to stay on the bus. He puts his hands behind his head, leans back, and turns to stare at me. ACK!

Seconds before we got to the stop, the first guy then decides he wants to get off too. He stands really close to me and I move closer to the door. He then says “Excuse me” as if he thought he could walk past me, though there was narrow space and the door hadn’t even opened yet. As soon as those doors opened I walked off really fast, and looked behind myself constantly. I didn’t see the guy outside at all. Weird! I walked to my destination continuously looking behind myself. I thought he was going to follow me.

When I realized he was nowhere in sight, I figured he went to sit back down right before I got off and I hadn’t noticed. This guy was very strange in his behavior (I’m assuming he has mental problems) and I hate that I became the intended target of most of his attention.

I also hate that I was too concerned about other people’s reactions to me if I stood up for myself. I normally tell these men to “fuck off!” but I didn’t want people staring at me as if I were the problem, or ignoring what was going on, which happens too many damn times. So I suppressed myself and my reactions just because I was too concerned with others. I should’ve told the first guy to leave me the hell alone, and I should’ve told the second guy to get his damn arm out of my face instead of the passive-aggressive tactic I’d used.

Then again, instead of getting bent out of shape and worrying about what I “should’ve” done, I’m going to concentrate on how I can react if this ever happens again in the future. Screw worrying about others’ reactions…I need to worry about myself.

Submitted by Anonymous on 8/20/2010

Location: B38, VA

Time of Harassment: Evening Rush Hour (3:30P-7:30P)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

A little positivity:
I had an experience recently that seemed like it might end up as a negative, degrading street harassment experience. I am very tall, and dressing in shorts and skirts (even long ones) for the hot weather has produced some gross commentary about my legs. However, the other day, I was walking down L street under the Convention Center overpass when I saw two teenage boys walking toward me.

My heart sank – these boys looked like they had just gotten off work; they were in matching uniforms, that were untucked, and were joking with each other like they were blowing off steam. They also fit the physical stereotype of street harassers that, hard as I might try to ignore, I often get confirmed in my experiences in DC. I prepared myself, but something great happened:

Looking me straight in the eye, both boys said “Hello.” I replied, “Hi.” Then, without saying anything insulting, or commenting on any specific part of my body, they paid me a compliment.
“You look great!”

I smiled, said thank you, and went on my way. They did not call after me, or comment further. I felt like an attractive person who had been seen as a whole person, not a collection of sexual objects.

And, yes, even this level of attention could be considered harassment for some. It is important to acknowledge that some women don’t want strangers to comment, even respectfully, on their appearance. I am usually one of those women; I am made uncomfortable by such comments. However, I felt this was an overall positive experience.

(And before the commenter who likes to suggest that positive experiences come because women are attracted to harassers, and that’s the only difference, let me say that I’m in my 30s, and not interested in teenagers. What made this experience positive was exactly what I’ve said above.)

Submitted by K on 8/19/2010

Location: L street between 7th and 8th

Time of Harassment: Evening Rush Hour (3:30P-7:30P)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

A man explained to my friends that the only reason I had my nails painted was because I wanted to get some “sexual healing.” He went on and on about how any woman who does anything to make herself look like she isn’t a troll, or any women who naturally doesn’t look like a troll is that way because she wants to have sex, even if she says she doesn’t.

I couldn’t even get in a word to tell him he was being a jerk or a rape apologist or offensive or that my mom bought me a manicure for my birthday etc etc. It continued until we got off the metro.

Submitted by AP on 8/18/2010

Location: Red Line

Time of Harassment: Day Time (9:30A-3:30P)

Vote for HBDC! TODAY and EVERY DAY this month in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge so that we can secure $50K to bring RightRides to DC. Vote for us online here and by texting 101523 to 73774.  After you vote for us, use your other 9 votes to vote for Street Yoga, Becky’s Fund, and BodyLogique.

The weather, studying for the GRE, and life gets in the way of writing reminder posts….but it never gets in the way of voting!

Please don’t forget to vote today:

1. Vote by going to http://pep.si/c39T2R using your email address;
2. Text “101523″ to PEPSI (73774); and
3. Vote by Facebook application- Pepsi Refresh Voting App.

Also, another individual reported sexual assault in Dupont Circle on August 13. The victim, a transgender woman, is the seventh victim of violence against LGBTQ people in that neighborhood since June 2.

http://www.washingtonblade.com/2010/08/17/trans-woman-sexually-assaulted-near-dupont-circle/

If you, or anyone, has more information about the attack, please email us at dchollaback (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thank you for voting and creating safer spaces in the city that we love.